By Dina Shadwell
It’s a constant journey, this spiritual evolution. We think we can kick back with Netflix and coconut ice cream and forget about the chaos and drama of the world around us, and to an extent we can. But that’s only a temporary fix, a recharging of our batteries before we have to go back out there and face the world. Samuel gives us many tools to help us along the way, constantly reminding us of what we truly are—One with Source. It’s funny how the human brain functions; obviously we need his repetition before we can even accept the idea of Oneness. But once the brain is okay with that thought, we have to actualize it in our lives. If you’re like me, it’s easy to feel One with Source during ritual with Samuel. But what about when we’re out there in our little lives just trying to forge a path?
For the past few years I have felt like I was on a bit of a plateau in my journey. I had gotten to where I could pretty much always keep in mind that there was a bigger picture at play in any situation I found myself in. This mindset felt right and it was easier to observe the dramas unfolding around me and on the world stage and not get hooked in emotionally. I didn’t need to get caught up in the angst of the players because I knew that there was more at play than what my little eyes could see. I could maintain a healthy detachment.
However, the plateau that Samuel helped me realize I was on is that there can be a shadow side to that very healthy, holy detachment. For me it began to show up as a lack of passion—for anything. It wasn’t a depression; it was more that I just lost the desire to participate in those things that used to bring me joy. I would get an idea for an art project, then I would think, Meh, what’s the point, in the grand scheme of things? Samuel had warned us about this as we received wave after wave of powerful energy from the cosmos: that we might find customary patterns in our life falling by the wayside. I assumed this was what was happening to me.
In the midst of this discovery, I was working through my core issues and changing my vision about myself. I was releasing my attachment to what I do in this world, to the labels I had always put on myself: Ac-tor, Director, Artist, Waitress. As I detached from each label, I discovered a hidden piece of my core prosperity issue. These roles had been my ways of making money, and I had been placing a value judgment on each label. Although my need to identify with what I do for a living and my judgments around that were falling by the wayside, I was still seeing this life—this projection labeled “Dina”—as “lesser than.” In my mind, The One was superior, and therefore still separate. My brain wanted so much to be One, and although the veil was thin, it wasn’t thin enough. I wanted to feel that Oneness constantly, and this form, this costume, was keeping me from it. I wanted to be without form again and be “home.”
Well, the problem with that desire is it keeps me separate. I was feeling like I was missing out on ... I don’t know what, but I knew it had to be better than here! No wonder I was still dealing with prosperity issues. Here wasn’t enough. From that state of mind, the monk-on-the-mountain gig looks very attractive. But as Samuel tells us, now is not the time for that.
So finally I started to rethink this whole Oneness thing. Samuel helped me realize that I had been seeing it like a finger attached to a hand attached to an arm, etc. And “Dina” was merely a finger. My “little life” seemed very insignificant, especially when I was trying to see the big picture. No wonder I didn’t have any passion for making art, or for anything. Now I see Source as the blood that flows through it all, the air that animates the form. It’s a complete merger. From that point of view, I am working on the fine art of detachment with compassion—being an observer without judgment while staying engaged in life.
If, within this Grand Experiment, we Guardians came here to give it one last try, to put into play something new and different, to evolve to be Source in form, why would I want to resist that? Why wouldn’t I want to max out my spiritual potential, to vibe as high as I possibly can while wearing this costume, no matter what the costume is doing?
This shift in understanding is creating miracles in my life. My passion for creating things is back because my passion for life—and for my Compact—is back. As for my core prosperity issues—dare I say they’re gone? Yes, I dare, because the fear is gone. The fear that I’m missing out on whatever is out there is gone, because I know there really isn’t an “out there.” Because I know that my Highest Self is not missing out at all. And once I cast off this costume, I’ll remember everything. And I trust that then I’ll be kicking back with Samuel and the Guardianship Energy, celebrating the success of The Plan for Sacred Status for this planet and all Life Force upon it.